Perfect days please come! :-(
My husband and I have not lost our dream of adopting a child, as of our current situation, we are channeling our focus upon our studies and working hard to excel in our studies. I feel that it is a way for me to forget about adoption and stop thinking about children but no matter what I say, think, or even do... I find myself in a place where I am thinking about my child, a child that is mine and I am holding him, comforting him, playing with him and our dogs, watching my husband and him play catch in the Autumn leaves. One of my best friends told me to get my heads out of the clouds and concentrate on school, focus on preparing our home so that when we do begin the adoption process that all systems are go. I agree, but my mind still wonders, my mind still ponders upon a thought or to pause for the mere second of a child. Why is it that when a woman's biological clock ticks very hard, that is all the body wants? The problem is when the body can not produce it, the mind wonders and I know I am off subject here, but I am honest.
My graduate studies professor and I were discussing women, age, and children. My professor told me that she is in her early 40s and she has no children, she is married but she wanted to accomplish her goals in life. She told me that some people think that women who wait to have or adopt children in their 30s and up are not the norm. My professor said that it is perfectly fine for a woman in her 30s and up to not have children. It is okay to ensure that I accomplish my reasonably set goals in order to create a stable life for my future children.
I am so elated to have this discussion with someone who is near my age and has heard the old tails. lol
I know there is no such thing as a perfect day... but one day... I hope to have that perfect day, that day when I can longer imagine about my little boy. One day when my little boy is flesh and blood and he is playing outside on our acre of land, taking him fishing on a pond near our home, taking him to Winding Stair Mountain so he can say... " Whoa Mom, that is cool!, Look Dad, that is cool!"
I look forward to the day of reality when I can say my son's name. When he shares our last name and when I can look into his bright and curious eyes and say, I love you my son. That would be a prefect day for me. So perfect days please come is what I pray.
We had to put everything that we wanted on hold until we regain our financial strength. Which is better to struggle without children than to financially struggle with children. I want to afford weekend trips with our children, let him visit his sisters, go on summer vacations, go to my sorority's conferences and while I am away in meetings, he and my hubby can explore the zoos and do the things the sorority has for families to do! :-)/// ( Sings..."Ohhh, I can dream about it!" )
My husband has told me that if we think it, it shall be, it shall come.
If we ask God to make a way, we need to ask God to bless us financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and psychologically to be equip and ready for our child to come home to us. To have a house full of children that belong to us both and still have room for his daughters to come and visit and spend time with their new siblings. Of course...doubt has began to creep in and settle... The back of my mind is saying...Time is not on my side...age... money is not a sound investment now. If not now, it will never be...doubt,and fear are my mortal enemies.
Have a blessed day, be a blessing, and you shall receive a blessing!
Blessings,
Blessed Hannah
